Gatsby on Ice: Act Two


Groggy, but coming back around, Gatsby slowly rises to his feet. The hockey net containing an unconscious Tom has been removed from the ice – as has Tom. The lights come up and Gatsby’s gaze is drawn overhead, as a to-scale Death Star descends ominously from the rafters. It touches down and a door opens vertically (top-down) forming a ramp to the ice.

Instinctively, Gatsby withdraws – and ignites – his (green, naturally) lightsaber, assuming a defensive stance. Moments later, SEVERAL STORM TROOPERS march out onto the ice (on skates) as the Imperial March theme BLARES OUT over the speakers. Through a thick bank of fog, we see DARTH VADER clomp down the ramp (also on skates).

DARTH VADER: Gatsby. At last, we meet.

GATSBY (respectfully): Lord Vader.

DARTH VADER: You’ve bested your romantic rival. However, you will not best me. Surrender now and receive a merciful death. Defy me, and you will suffer the consequences.

Gatsby extinguishes his lightsaber and bows his head. However, just as he seems ready to signal his surrender, he looks up confidently and re-fires his lightsaber.

DARTH VADER: You fool!

GATSBY: I am Gatsby, hear me roar! I am too great too ignore!!

With that, Gatsby skates into action, cutting through the ranks of Storm Troopers with graceful precision. Watching him, Darth Vader can only clench his fists in frustration.

In less than 40 seconds, the Storm Troopers have all been felled, leaving Gatbsy and Darth Vader facing off in a mano-a-mano showdown.

DARTH VADER: Do you really believe you can defeat me?

GATSBY: Yippee-ki-yay, (expletive-expletive)

From the shadows, a spectral OBI-WAN KENOBI (also on skates) appears.

OBI-WAN KENOBI: Use the Force, Gatsby.

DARTH VADER: Stay out of this!

Their eyes locked on one another, lightsabers at the ready, Gatsby and Darth Vader circle each other (on skates) as the opening strains of Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’ begin to play.


Published by Dan Hendrickson - Writer

A comic, screenwriter and poet, I grew up in Northwest Minnesota. Years later, I earned my MFA in Creative Writing from Hamline University in St. Paul. I've been a guest on KFAI’s Write On! Radio and Prairie Public Radio’s Main Street. I have a new book out called Comedy Album. If you wished to do so, you could buy it.

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